Most Texas families do the hard part properly. They tour, they ask the questions, they talk it over at the kitchen table, and eventually they decide. What almost nobody tells them is what the next thirty days are like.
What does he bring? Who tells him what time supper is? What if he doesn’t say a word the whole first week? How long before he stops calling it “that place”?
Those are the questions that decide whether the move works, and they get a fraction of the attention the decision did. This is what the first thirty days of moving a parent to senior living in Texas tend to hold, based on what families tell us afterward.
The room comes first
At every BeeHive home, each resident gets a bedroom of his own with a bathroom attached. Before anything else, that room needs to become his.
Bring the recliner. Whatever chair he has sat in for the evening news for the last twenty years, that chair goes. Bring the lamp that stands next to it, the radio, the hat that hangs on the hook by the door, the photograph of the pickup or the rig or the two of you at the lake. Bring the quilt his wife made and whatever has been sitting on his nightstand for thirty years. Bring his coffee mug.
Then quit. Cram the whole house into one room and he’ll never find the chair. A dozen right things beat a truckload. The television and the phone are the simple part, since the room already comes with utilities, cable, and Wi-Fi. Call ahead and find out what’s already in the room, what will fit, and which of his own pieces they’d bring first. More can come later. Getting things back out is harder.
Mark his clothes with his name. Laundry is handled for him, and this saves a good deal of confusion the first week.
Three questions for the week before
A short phone call the week ahead heads off most of the trouble on the day.
- When do move-ins go best here, morning or afternoon?
- Can we have the room set up before he walks in?
- Can we stay for the first meal?
Stay for that meal if you can. A move that ends in a doorway with everybody trying not to say the wrong thing is a rough way to leave. A move that ends with him at the table, across from a fellow who’s been there since spring and has opinions about the Cowboys’ offensive line, is a different kind of afternoon.
Have his medication list, as it stands today, and his pharmacy’s name written down. Medication support is part of the daily routine, and the first few days go easier when nobody’s working from memory.
Moving day should be short
Set the room. Let him put the last two or three things where he wants them. Eat together. Then leave before the evening routine starts.
That’s the part families get wrong most often, and it’s understandable. But a long goodbye is harder on him than a short one, and the first evening goes better if it belongs to the house.
It is entirely acceptable to sit in the truck for a few minutes in the parking lot afterward.
He may not say much, and that’s not the same as it going badly
Here’s something worth knowing about a certain kind of Texas man: he isn’t going to narrate this. He won’t tell you it’s fine and he won’t tell you it isn’t. He handled his own business his whole life, and he’ll handle this the same way, which is to say quietly.
So watch what he does instead of waiting for what he says. Is he in the living room or in his room? Did he find the man who watches the same games? Did he ask what time breakfast is? Has he told anybody there where he’s from?
The first real sign is nearly always small. He argues with somebody about a call in the fourth quarter. He asks whether they’ve got the game on Friday. He mentions somebody by name.
The first week is uneven
Don’t expect a straight line. One day he’ll be fine and the next he’ll tell you to take him home, sometimes both in the same afternoon. Both are normal. The direction over two or three weeks matters far more than any single day.
While that’s going on, the household is quietly getting to know him. Within days the caregivers know that he takes his coffee black with two sugars, that he’s up before six, and that four in the afternoon is when he gets restless. Supper is at the same hour every night, and a fixed supper hour steadies a man faster than anything anybody says to him. And the other residents are doing what nobody else can. The man who moved in back in the spring, who kept to himself for a week when he arrived, is the one who saves him a seat.
You can visit every Sunday for the rest of his life and still not be able to hand him that. It only comes from living alongside other people.
Visiting in the first month
There’s no rule for how often. Some families come every day at first. Some wait two or three days and let the house get its routine around him before the first visit. The BeeHive home will tell you what they’ve seen go well; then do what suits your family. Visiting hours are flexible.
Pick your hour with the house in mind. After breakfast, or that last stretch before supper when the heat finally lets go, works better than showing up mid-meal. Take a seat at the table. Shake hands with whoever he’s mentioned, if he’s mentioned anybody. Twenty minutes of watching how he is with the others tells you more than an hour of asking how he’s doing.
And bring the season in with you. Early October in Texas is a good time to move. The first cool front has usually come through, football is deep into the season, and out on the South Plains the cotton strippers are starting to roll. If his new home is in Floydada, Punkin’ Days lands downtown on the second Saturday of the month. Bring the score from the Friday game. Bring the first pumpkin. Ask whether they’ll have the game on.
Week two is hard on the family
Somewhere around the second week, it hits. The house is too quiet. Nobody calls at nine at night. On a Wednesday, for no reason you can name, you’ll wonder if you did the wrong thing.
That feeling is not a verdict on the decision. It’s what happens when something that was most of your life for two years changes shape in a week. It passes.
What comes after is the part worth waiting for. When somebody else is handling the cooking and the pills and the night checks, a visit isn’t a job anymore. You sit down. You drink a cup of coffee. You talk about the game, or the grandkids, or nothing in particular. You’re his son at that table, not the man who runs his errands.
If he isn’t settling
Give it time, but pay attention. If after a few weeks he’s still not eating right, still not sleeping, still staying in his room through the afternoon, say so to the home. Find out what they’re noticing at supper and in the evenings, and ask what they’d change. A small house can adjust small things: another seat, a job that’s his, a walk at a set hour.
And if his memory or his mood seems different than it was before the move, his doctor is the first call. A number of the causes can be treated, and early is better.
Not ready to decide? There’s a way to find out
If your family is still going back and forth, a respite stay puts him in the house for a short stretch, a few days or a couple of weeks, keeping the same schedule as everyone else, and then he goes home. Respite, explained. A lot of families who used it didn’t need to have the argument again.
Pull up the page for the home he’s moving to
Every one of our Texas BeeHive homes has a senior living page of its own, with the address, a direct number, photographs of the rooms and the common spaces, the nearby towns its families come from, and what the house is known for. Start from the location closest to whoever will visit most. It’s the simplest way to plan the room, plan the drive, and give the out-of-town kids something to look at.
The point of all this
Moving day is hard. The month that follows is mostly ordinary, and ordinary is the goal. Moving a parent to senior living in Texas ought to mean that come the end of October he’s got his chair, a seat at the table, somebody to argue football with, and a family that’s back to being a family.
Call (806) 452-5883 if you’ve got a question about a move, or pull up the page for the house closest to you. You don’t have to sort this out alone.
Frequently Asked Questions
What should my parent bring when moving to senior living?
His chair, his lamp, his radio, the photographs he looks at, the quilt off his bed, a clock he can read without his glasses, and the everyday objects he’s had for years. At BeeHive Homes each resident has his own bedroom and bathroom, and the room comes with utilities, cable, and Wi-Fi. Call the home before you pack to find out what’s already there and what will fit, then bring the essentials on day one and the rest as needed.
How long does it take to adjust to senior living?
There’s no fixed timeline. A rough first week is common, and one good day and one bad one back to back don’t mean anything by themselves. Judge by the trend across two or three weeks. A steady supper hour, caregivers who’ve learned his habits, and a friend or two among the residents move things along. If several weeks pass and he still isn’t eating, sleeping, or coming out of his room, talk to the home and ask what they’ve noticed.
How often should I visit during the first month?
Whatever suits your family. Some come daily; some hold off a few days to let the routine take. The home can tell you what’s gone well for others, and BeeHive Homes keep visiting hours flexible. Time visits outside of meals and spend them at the table with the other residents, not only in his room. That’s where you’ll see how he’s really doing.
What if my parent won’t talk about the move?
Common, especially among men of his generation, and not a sign of trouble by itself. Go by what he does: whether he’s out in the common rooms, whether he’s struck up a conversation with anybody, whether he asks what’s happening tomorrow. The first signs of settling are usually things he does rather than things he says.
What if my parent says he wants to go home?
It’s a normal thing to hear in the first week or two and doesn’t mean the move was a mistake. Don’t argue it. Acknowledge it and steer toward something concrete: what’s for supper, who he sat with, who’s playing Saturday. If it keeps up for weeks and he’s also not eating or sleeping, let the home know. And if he seems more confused or lower than he was before the move, his doctor should hear about it first.
Can we try senior living before committing to a move?
It can be done. A respite stay gives him a few days or a couple of weeks in the house on the same routine as everybody else, and then he comes home. Plenty of families use it to settle the question. It depends on an open room, so call early when you can.
Where can I find details about a specific BeeHive home in Texas?
Every Texas home has a senior living page with the address, a direct number, photographs, the nearby towns it serves, and what the house is known for. Start from our Texas locations page and pick the one closest to you, or call (806) 452-5883 and we’ll point you to it.